Monday, January 21, 2013


Don't you find it interesting how each child has his/her own personality?  How different the kids are and how, as parents we need to work with each child individually?

I only have two so I can imagine with more it becomes a bit of a challenge.  It's sort of like solving a puzzle when it comes to getting the kids to do things like homework or chores or take a bath or go to bed.  I always found myself thinking about how I would accomplish some tasks with the boys when I fully knew ahead of time I'd have a fight on my hands or an objection to overcome.
For instance, I think I may have mentioned in a previous blog how Christopher hated to wear collared shirts as a kid. There wasn't too much he fussed about but the dressing up thing was not in his book of favorites by a long shot.  He looked very handsome when he tidied up but it wasn't something he liked to do.  If a holiday was around the corner I would alert him a few days ahead that he would be dressing up.  Sometimes I'd even have him try his clothes on for a few minutes so we could be sure they still fit and to give him the opportunity to feel them on his body.  He'd tolerate it knowing he didn't have to stay in them. I'd leave them out in his room so he would be reminded they were going on him soon.
He did the same with pants.  He always wanted shorts or sweats for the leg room.  I can't blame him there, he was a husky boy and the thighs just never felt comfortable.  If we got the right thigh size then the waist was too big.  Maybe that’s why his pants were always half way down his butt… :-) We never did find just the right pants for him.  He always defaulted to shorts or sweats regardless of the season.
But there was a certain way Chris needed to be dealt with.  He needed time to wrap his head around wearing his dressy clothes.  Letting him know days before the event saved me from a meltdown the day of.  Of course that was a lesson learned the hard way in his early years... Eventually the light bulb went on for me and I realized I could save myself from a terrible holiday with a little preparation ahead of time.
Jeremy was much different as a youngster, he loved dressing up in slacks and a shirt and tie and shiny shoes.  He looked so handsome! Like a mature man.  He still likes wearing nice clothes and dressing sharp and these days he tends to shop in the finer stores looking for quality not quantity.  He never had an issue with clothing the way Chris did.
Jeremy always needed to know the plan though... What was on an agenda.  He didn't like surprises as to where he was expected to be if he wasn't made aware of it ahead of time. Chris really didn't care as long as it didn't interfere with a play date but Jeremy needed to process things ahead of time.  He wasn't much of a spur of the moment kind of kid although as he gets older it’s changing quite a bit.  Now that he has a car and some flexibility to his schedule he has a tendency to get up and go.  But as a little guy his wheels were always spinning and he felt best by being able to foresee his day or week ahead.  Life worked better for Jeremy when he knew in advance so when it was time to go he wasn't blindsided because he was uninformed.
It's an interesting process watching your children grow and looking at them as if you can see inside their head.  Ask them a question and as they're thinking about an answer you can almost see the cogs turning.  Their eyes shift and blink and the question you asked starts swirling around in their brain. It seems like you can see thru their skin and into the heart of their brain just by shifting your gaze to look them in the face.  It goes on like that forever.  I still see it with Jeremy.  The questions and information exchange becomes more advanced as they age of course but as a parent you still see them processing it.  It's a wonderful thing.  Very rewarding to watch, especially when you can't believe they're yours and you gave birth to them.  How incredible!
I'm fortunate to have two sons to get to know; to learn how to work with each personality and figure out their needs to the best of my ability.  You may have more or less in your family.  In any event, I hope you've had experiences similar to mine in realizing each needs to be parented differently.  What works for one doesn't for the other.  There's no cookie cutter method to raising siblings in the same house.  It's a beautiful thing.  We're fortunate to become parents and raise our children.

Thank you for reading.


  1. Good morning Regina,

    This is one area I wish I could share a story of mine with you. I wasn't able to have kids.. But there's always a plan for each one of us. I have several kids in my life that I "mother". As much as they let me that is :)
    I've always said.. God has his plan. Would I be available to be as mothering as I am to these kids had I been able to have my own? I don't dwell on it because its something that I'll never know.
    I can relate to so many of your stories.. Keep sharing .. I do pull strength from each of your posts..
    I hope you have a good day..

  2. Regina,
    It's always a joy to see how different each of my children are. Even in the little things. I think I noticed it instantly when our daughter was born. Even as a baby,she was completely different than her older brother. I think it's incredible how two people with the same exact gene pool can be vastly different. I think that's why I've never felt bad for saying I love them equally but, differently. Their personalities determine the way I nurture and discipline them.
    God Bless!

  3. Regina, I have to totally agree with you i have 5 of my own children and i adopted one when she was only 6. As for my own there are somethings totally different but similar at things I would never expect them to do the same or feel the same.That goes for my adopted daughter as well. I sometimes wonder is she really mine. Again ty for sharing your stories. They help me raising my lil ones.

  4. Hi Regina,
    Yes, it is amazing how 2 parents can produce such different children. My son is my oldest(9)and he will only wear sweats and shorts. When we lived in CP last year, he insisted on wearing shorts until it got down into the single digits at the bus stop. He is so head strong and stubborn. He still waits for me every morning to wake him (refuses to use an alarm). He wants me to wake him with a hug and give him his bathrobe so he can be cozy at the breakfast table. He dislikes brushing his teeth or hair and I am constantly riding him to get dressed, change his clothes on the weekend, and use soap/shampoo in the bath. I always feel like such a nag. Sometimes he shuts down and I wonder if through all of my nagging does he think that I don't love him as much as my girls (5&6). My girls are pretty self suffficient, so I don't have to guide them as much. My son...he just loves it when I have to make a fuss about him...good or bad. If they only knew how special each one is and that I don't love one more than the other. They are each unique and are a gift to me for the time they have been given. I only hope that I am using the time wisely and steering them in the right direction so they may fulfill their God given purpose on the earth. I hug them more often and tighter since December, and I pray I am able to let them go and trust that God knows what He is doing as they get older and gain more independence. That will be difficult. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better mom and how to be strong when changes come.
    God Bless!

  5. Hi Regina!!!
    I love seeing the pictures you put up. They truly make me smile.
    ❤❤❤❤Xo Lela

  6. Thanks for your insight -- what a refreshing way to start the day. One of the most difficult lessons from the last few years as my kids have gottn older has been the slow realization that what I may have wanted out of life for my children are not necessarily the things they want for themselves. It has been quite an eye opener to see this shift...and somewhat exciting to sit back and let their journeys unfold. My daughter and I recently attended a taping of the Katie Couric show in NYC and saw her interview Andrew Solomon who recently wrote a best-selling book on children who turn out much different than their parents called "Far From the Tree." I recommend it highly.

  7. Regina,
    This morning I went into my livingroom and found my son's (Christopher) baseball hat on the coffee table along with a snack mess. I recalled your blog about your Chris' messes. I stopped, picked up the bowls and napkins and brought it out to the kitchen sink. I did it happily....why? because I could. I want to thank you for your blogs. They have given me a new perspective on my own two boys. Our relationships have improved considerably. I am not wincing at the loads of laundry because I know someday their smelly stuff won't be in that bin and I know I will miss that. So thank you Regina, thank you my new friend for changing my life in a way that no one else could.

  8. Regina

    I have the same problem with my 13 year old who was born on Chris b' I write this he is wearing shorts and does every day.

    Getting dressed up is a chore and would rather not deal with it
    my older son would much rather be dressed up.

    As for way pants fit I believe I are 100percent right.comfort over anything.

    After reading your blodg about picking up the dishes they leave around I have decided not to make a bog deal about it and just pick up the mess my sure u would do anything to have that back.
    We plan on going tues for dinner and doing the zumba class at ABC even with being heavy I have decided I am doing it

    God bless you hopefully we will meet soon

  9. Oh Regina you are so right on with this post.

    We have 3 kids and they are all completely different. Although they share similar characteristics, they are all kind, hard working,big hearted,loving and generous. Their personalities are as different as night and day.

    Our eldest(female) very layed back, deep thinker, lives simply no make up, an artist(and athlete) but definitely has an artist personality prefers just one true friend over big group.Our second born(son)an athlete through and through...he has played every sport possible sometimes 3 in one season( mom and dad learned quickly about season overlap!) our youngest(girl) wears make up, worries about clothes life of the party a singer/performer with the personality of a true star.loves to be surrounded by many friends.

    My husband and I often say "how can 3 kids with the same parents raised in the same house be so different?!" they are and we wouldn't change anyone of them! They are unique and we love them each for their own characteristics they possess!

    Great reading today, again we can relate to differences of your kids because we see the differences in our own!


    Ps we often say about our 2 girls, they are the there you are, here I am girls. Our eldest will walk into a party quietly and look around see someone she knows and say.."oh there you are!" our youngest will blow into the party for all to see and announce"here I am!"

  10. today's blog! Four kids, four completely different personalities! Some days I am amazed they came from the same gene pool! Love them all dearly! Life would be so boring if they were similar. It's a roller coaster ride with the range of personalities in my household and I would not have it any other way.

    Can totally relate to the shorts/sweats and not wanting to dress up as I have sons like that as well. They are built like your Chris. My one son wears a men's dress shirt in a 17/18 neck, 36/37 sleeve...try finding those in the Ralph Lauren he so desires!!! His brother's a 16 - 16 1/2 neck, 34/35 sleeve not quite as bad! Pants are another story! Always seem to be sold out in their sizes. They both played football and have muscular thighs...not meant for wearing dress pants. The moaning and groaning...when can I take these clothes off! LOL

    Spot on today....lots of chuckles as you reminded me of my kids! Thanks again for sharing!

  11. Having one of each, I feel that the differences are not as obvious as having 2 of the same. And then having one of each that are 7 years apart makes it even less likely that they will be remotely close, in personality, in characteristics, etc... So their differences are almost expected. :) My son Jeff was 7 when Ally was born so he was already movin' and groovin' in the big kid world. He was already so far superior to his baby sister. :)

    He's all sports while Ally is all music. I think Ally tried to follow in her brother's footsteps initially, looking up to him, because in her earlier years all she knew was going to all of his sporting events so she had to try it out. She was good at the sports she tried, but as a budding musician from the womb on, she had to be kind to her hands. During basketball days (with Nikki Wind) she was always hurting her hands. The last basketball game she played was right before her last concert in elementary school (December I think). She broke her finger and cried when the doctor told that she had to splint it for "x" # of weeks. She cried because she had an upcoming concert and she was lead clarinet and couldn't NOT play with a splint!!! The doctor said she could unsplint her finger to play, which she did and the tears stopped. That was the last of any kind of sports she ever did. She had a decision to make. Music or sports! Went off on a tangent there...

    I do have to say though, one glaring difference is that one has a temper and gets flustered very easily, while nothing seems to bother the other. I don't want to give away who is who, in case someone who knows one or the other reads this and says "Your mom said you have a temper!" :)

    The luxury of having them so far apart (which wasn't my plan), is that I have had so many separate, rewarding opportunities with them, that I couldn't have had if they were closer together. Jeff is grown and working and semi-independent (Ally would disagree) she wants him to move out! And I'm still in the child rearing teen years with Ally. I still have mistakes to make! But on the norm, they have been pretty easy to raise. I knew at an early age I wanted kids, and I have to say, out of everything I have done, I'm best at being a Mom. It is the one thing that comes easily and has taught me to be a better human being.

    God bless... good night.

  12. I couldn't agree with you more that parenting with different personalities is a challenge. I have 2 boys and 1 for. My boys are like Chris do not like to dress up but will if they have to. My oldest would rather wear shorts or sweats and my youngest likes shorts or jeans. My daughter wears whatever depends on her mood. My oldest is somewhat independent he has a job and is trying to get ready for college (he decided to take some time off) but wants me to do his laundry and clean his messes. My daughter is more the social butterfly, she will do things around the house (she loved your blog the other day when you said pulling a Christopher or Chris made me do it, so now that is the new motto of our house). My youngest goes to school, comes home started working out because travel baseball will start in a couple of months, he plays video games and likes to hang out with mom. I hope I didn't ramble on too much. Thank you for sharing once again. God bless you

  13. I must agree with you 100 % ....I have one girl n one boy....oh how they are So So So different.... There is a little gap between them ( seven years) marissa is about to be 19 in March n Matthew will be 12 in May. She is all about herself n he will do anything for anybody... He sounds so much like Chris , hates to have to get dressed up, always wants to wear shorts, and is the most caring child ever... Hope you have a good week....xxxxx

  14. They are all unique individuals, aren't they? My oldest son went to Shen and graduated from there. The other 3 boys went to LaSalle. I always thought it was odd for the oldest two, so close in age yet not attending the same high school. But, it was what was right for them as individuals. Kudos to you and all the other parents who realize that what's right for one is not necessarily the best for the others. You're in my prayers always. Thanks for sharing your boys.

  15. so it's not just my kids??? thank goodness!!! this is just another reason why I love your blog, it gives me validation and it gives me an idea of what to look forward to as my boys get older (my daughter is almost a clone of me so i know where she is headed and she is 17 so she has some stuff figured out) anyway, I have been noticing and talking a lot about how I have to parent my 3 boys differently, it's probably because of your blog that I am doing this. so again thank you, I have been making mental notes and I hope to write some of them down in their baby books so i can remember them years from now.

    I love all the additional photos.