Well, today's a special day. Christopher would have been eighteen this morning. 8:45 to be exact. He was a breakfast baby. Happy Birthday to my angel! Momma loves you Squirt!!
We were waiting for this day. There's something very special about turning eighteen, especially for a male. Not quite sure what it is, several things I'm sure. Maybe the military enlistment aspect, or perhaps the voter registration? Maybe boys just seem to feel they've crossed the threshold to becoming a man. Eighteen brings more responsibilities legally. That must be empowering. I know Chris was looking forward to it. It opened up many more job opportunities. He could check the box YES when asked "Are you eighteen or over?" Not that I looked forward to him aging because every parent wonders where the time went but I'm sorry we missed this birthday in person.
Do me a favor, stop reading for a sec, close your eyes and sing Happy Birthday to Chris - if only in your mind rather than out loud. He can hear you either way. I want Chris to listen to his song all day long at whatever time you read this. I want him to be inundated with Happy Birthday's from all of us even though I know some of us are not singers! We may even make him cringe with our creaky voices.
My boys will always be the best things that ever happened to me. I couldn't be more proud. I can't believe I carried them and brought them into the world. God blessed me big time! He gave me a special job on the days of their births to care and nurture for the boys. I was expecting and prepared for that. I signed up for it. He also gave me a new, unexpected job on December 1st to care for the boys and nurture them differently. I definitely wasn't prepared for him to ask that of me. Not sure what makes me so special that he thinks I can handle this but since he wants me to, I will.
Even if I can't have Chris here in the physical, I'm still celebrating like he's right by my side. This is a very special day! I'm certain he'll make himself known. Matter of fact, as I type there's a bug bothering my face. "Bug"... Christopher is bugging me! He's watching what I write. Probably wants to say hello. Hi Chris :-). Are you a fruit fly at the moment?
Bailey stayed over last night. She wanted to attempt a sleepover. Can't say I blame her! Waking up in Chris's room on his special day sounds just perfect if you ask me. I'd bet Chris is leaping off the high dive at the thought I invited Bailey to sleep with him! Well, you know what I mean... Sleep where he slept! If he was here she would NOT be in that bed on his birthday morning! ( ha ha, love you Bailey but Mrs. Stewart has rules!)
Funny how a child's personality shines thru before you even meet. I should have known Chris would be a night owl because he was nocturnal while I was pregnant. He was quiet all day long and did all his moving in the evening. Kept me up with his kicking and pushing, probably just looking for more space to stretch out. The fetal position didn't suit him, he liked the "X" position - all stretched out.
We had no idea if he would come out Christopher or Gabriella! Imagine if we had no Christopher??? Oh Lord, no way! How could we have even sat and wondered what God would give us; a girl or a boy? How could he be anyone but Christopher Francis Robert Stewart? It's a no-brainer now. The world is a much better place since Chris came along. I'm glad you got to know him but I'm the lucky one, God placed that little bitty gift in my hands and lent him to me to share.
If you shed some tears for my loss today I'm okay with that. We all lost out, there's reason to cry. I'm going to shed plenty of tears myself too, over and over. But try to be cheerful instead of blue because Chris's personality was one of joy and he wouldn't like it if we lingered too long in sadness. I know this. I dwell on it every time my heart sinks. My son’s demeanor was so positive that I know he's the one to bring me back up from my heaviness of heart. He can do that for you as well. Try to remember that when you hit a valley, when you fall in that pit of pain. Chris will pull you back up to where you can breathe again. Lean on him. It works.
Thank you for reading.