Yesterday I talked about me. Today I thought I might concentrate on you. It does me good to step outside what I'm living and try to take a more global view of how this tragedy has fanned out. There have been layers and layers of people affected by all of this. It bothers me a lot. I just want all of you to know I'm thinking of you and praying for you to heal.
How about the first ones on the scene? The first responders, the state police and witnesses to the accident. What did they see? I'm sure it was traumatic. Each call that comes in to the emergency squad must make them nervous. This one couldn't have been good to drive up to. Were they scared? Shocked? Did they just jump right into action? I'm guessing yes to all the above. The innocent parties driving on the Northway that night didn't deserve this experience. I wonder if they have nightmares now or need someone to talk to. I hate that they carry this.
What about the hospital staff who helped Matt and Bailey and those who had to break the news to me? Now they too have this vision to live with. It might not be the first time they dealt with death but I'm sure they will never forget December 1st and December 2nd 2012. It isn't right.
My extended families and friends now have the burden or worrying about me - on top of carrying their own grief. As if we all didn't have enough on our daily plates beforehand? Now they've been cast into a new position of answering questions from their friends and co-workers about me and about the tragedy. I've leaned on them to help me make arrangements and phone calls which I didn't like asking. They had relationships with Christopher, close ones. Why do they now have to be responsible for speaking on my behalf when others have questions? Of course I realize people are concerned and those who know me are the best to share information. I just don't like that they are being cast into this new role.
There are also the classmates and teachers and staff at SHEN. They're all trying to help each other thru this crappy situation. Why do they have to do this? Don't they have enough to do regularly? Now the kids are having more difficulty concentrating. They don't have answers as to why this happened and none of us can help the other with a satisfactory reason. There isn't one. High school should be a happy time, a challenge academically but among the best days ever.
Now they've had a massive wave wash over them and they're struggling to breathe. I'm hopeful together we'll work thru it but I know we'll never get over it. I'm thankful they each help one another but I can't help but feel angry that there has been a tragic memory imbedded in their minds. I ache at the thought of a parent needing to hold their child thru their tears and feel the loss of not knowing what to say for comfort. I know the staff at school is in the same boat. The kids lean on them yet the adults don’t even have a grasp. It's heartbreaking.
Then I look at Matt and Bailey. Why did this happen to them? How come they have been asked to carry the experience as well as the physical scars? One look and you can see they're special but this accident is beyond what any child should be saddled with. I do know they'll succeed and prosper but it will take time and support. What I hate is that they'll be forever changed due to a night they had no control over. Being subjected to something beyond our control is infuriating. These are the best kids ever, kind and sweet. As much as I know they will one day be better than ever, I can't help feel anger that they didn't deserve this. I don't like it's been put upon them and I hate that their parents and siblings need to walk them thru this healing process now.
The layers of people this spreads out to is mind-blowing. Look at you. You've been moved by it. You may not even know Chris and you might not even live anywhere near Clifton Park. You've been affected. It's a shame. Why is it that you shed tears and hurt for my son and this situation? How come it happened at all? So many questions, so few answers...
I know I've barely touched on the sea of people this tragedy has touched. There are little children asking questions, elderly who wonder why a teen was taken while they're still here, friends from high school who are at a loss for words and want to help but don't know what to do and governmental officials now reviewing laws. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you.
I hope we continue to lean on one another, share our grief and become better people. I know I'm more aware of my feelings and situations more since this tragedy. I'm more tolerant and patient. If you can find the good in it too then we will make the 518 area and beyond a nicer place to live.
Thank you for reading.