Another work week has passed and we’re headed into the weekend. Good and bad in my opinion.
I'm working on focusing forward. I think I do pretty well. I try to concentrate on the positives, and there are many, but somehow there seems to be a tug on me in the other direction too.
Christopher worked on Thursday and Saturday nights at McGrievy's Restaurant so Friday night was his favorite. He knew he had the evening to spend with Bailey and his friends. I didn't dare schedule family events on Fridays as that was precious time! This was a hot commodity in Chris' world.
I had texting conversations with him during the school day sometimes. On Fridays I always asked him the same question "Will you be home for dinner." Usually he'd ask what I was making... He knew exactly what I was making, homemade pizza. I did it every week. The knucklehead was either pushing my buttons or he truly was dingy. We had that same conversation many times and he knew the answer. I made pizza whether he was home or not.
I always liked it when he would stay home on Friday nights. When he and Bailey opted to hang at my house and watch movies rather than go somewhere else made me feel special. I was envious of all the time he spent at the Wind's house. When they honored me with their presence on a Friday night I thought it was great.
I can’t say I enjoyed their taste in television. They could sit and watch an entire season of the Walking Dead together or horrific, terrorizing movies. I was always shocked Bailey could stand it. I tried to watch with them a time or two but it didn't work, not my thing. I'm sure they were glad I didn't crash their date anyway, I mean it was a Friday!
I used to make the two of them their own pizza on Friday nights. Chris would be sure to remind me that Bailey only ate cheese. (I knew this, he told me every time). I'd make one with loads of veggies and theirs plain. Occasionally I'd serve them in the dining room and make myself scarce so they could have a dinner date on me. I thought that was cute. I'm glad I did.
So Fridays make me sad. I miss Chris. I want him to have more Fridays with Bailey and his friends. I remember the good parts of Fridays and try to dwell on them but it’s hard not to wish for more. I am thankful and tremendously grateful for the memories, the texts and the conversations. I'm glad they're still fresh in my mind. I want so much to make more pizzas and complain to the two of them about their awful taste in TV. I think they got a kick out of my dramatic dislike of their choices :-)
I didn't make pizza last night. I didn't feel like it. I went out for a fish fry. I know I'll get back into my routine, matter of fact I've made pizza several times since Chris passed and even shared some with one of his football buddies but right now my Fridays aren't normal and everything's out of whack. I need to adjust to a new normal but it will take time.
On the other hand something very nice happened Friday. I don't know who to thank so all of you get a THANK YOU from me. I got a gorgeous bouquet of flowers in the mail, from “my readers!” Now that's a wonderful pick-me-up. What a kind gesture, thank you very much :-). Love that random act of kindness!
Here's hoping I see some of you at the Zumba fundraiser this evening. 5-7pm at ABC Sports in Latham. I'll be the one in the SHEN green tee-shirt attempting to follow the steps. I make no promises as to my ability but I will be there. Maybe you will too?
Thank you for reading.