Monday, February 4, 2013

A note to my son

Hey Chris, I haven't ever taken the time to write to you.  I talk to you a lot but thought I might put a few things in writing.
I'm wondering if you watched the Super Bowl?  I was rooting for the 49er's because your cousin Bob liked them.  If I had to guess I would say that the two of you might even have been in New Orleans to see the game up close.  Are you able to move from place to place quickly?  I like it when you're home with me but I understand your need to go other places too.  There are so many of us who want you near.
Do you know that I confiscated your new lounge pants and I wear them every night?  Do you think it's funny that even when I pull the drawstring as tight as I can the XL pants hang off of me?  I practically trip with each step but I don't care.  I remember the day you brought them home... when you went Black Friday shopping with the Wind's.  You were so excited at your $12 bargain at Marshall's that you wore them out to dinner that night!  I even sent a text to Mrs. Wind after you left the house and told her "I don't dress him anymore!"  I thought she would be mortified for you to walk into Chili's in pajama-like pants but she texted me back and thought it was hysterical.  We loved your carefree attitude.
Chris, do you know how much I miss that your car is gone from out front and that I secretly loved filling your tank each week even though I gave you grief at how expensive it was to keep you?  Do you know you were a true joy in my life and I that I miss you desperately? Do you miss me back or are you blissfully happy where you are?
Dad and I were so happy to bring home the gorgeous trophy you earned this football season.  Did you take a good look at it?  Did you feel how heavy it is?  Are you as proud as we are?  Do you know Coach Clawson and I text each other about you sometimes and we're a couple of your biggest fans?  He told me he doesn't give his cell out freely but he trusted you and knew if he needed the team to know something you would share it for him.  You never let him down.
Hey Chris, did you know Bailey and I spent time hanging out in your room yesterday and that we love talking about you?  Aren't you proud that she's back on the diving board, she got her brace off, she can drive once again and is healing nicely!  Will you do me a favor and stay close to her so she always feel your presence?  But be sure to come see me sometimes too.

Do you know that I still have a pantry full of your snacks?  I haven't eaten them and I haven't given them away.  They may turn into bird seed because I just can't figure out the best thing to do with them.  Nothing seems right; you loved your snack cabinet.  I always kept it stocked for you and nothing would please me more than to open the doors to see you've been into the packages and helped yourself.
Chris, do you know that I bought a new container of chocolate milk this week because you love it?  The one you left behind was spoiled and sour, I had to toss it down the sink.  I promise I'll drink this bottle, a little every day in your honor.  I like chocolate milk.
Did you see me light a Chinese lantern for you last night?  I'm sure you know it got stuck in the tree... it's still there.  You're a prankster.  I was trying to have a moment with you and I was somber but you made me giggle.  I was afraid you might light the tree on fire and I'd have to call the fire station.  Why did you lighten my moment? 
Christopher, do you know how much your classmates miss you?  How many people pray for you every day and that your family loves you deeply?  Do you hang out with us or are you busy doing God's work and helping others?  I know you give us strength but we have so many questions and pray you'll answer us.  We want to know where you are and that you're OK.
I miss you Chris and I thought a note to you might be nice.  I used to tuck them in your lunch box and I still would if you were here.  Now I only get to write them on the balloons and lanterns I send up to you.  You used to write them to me too and I'm glad I have a few saved.  You cracked me up with your surprises sometimes.  Thank you for your engaging personality.  I'm glad God gave you to me.  I'm blessed and I love you for being you.

Thank you for reading.


  1. Dear Chris,
    Do you know you changed my life? Do you know just how much you've done for me through stories of your name? You've taught me to love more and live more because, as far as I can tell, that's what you did. I think we would have been friends if we ever had an opportunity to meet.
    I think about your mom and Bailey and Deanna and you every single day. I make sure I pray for the people you love who were left behind. Do you know how much I care, Chris?
    Do you know how grateful I am that you're in my life Chris, even though it's after you have passed? I am. I'm grateful for the laughs and I'm grateful for the lessons. You've made me a better person, a more giving person. Thank you for that.

    1. Wow.....Just beautiful, heartfelt and touching.. I'm sure this makes Chris's Mom proud :)

    2. :-) Very Nice Hannah! XO

      ps.I tried 2txs to reply just to your post, deleted one and the other one is farther down on the blog I gave you the same message 2txs... :-)

    3. Hannah...heartfelt and beautiful!

  2. Dear Chris, this past week I had people at my home and McGreiveys catered some food. As I washed out a soup pot the next day, I couldn't help but wonder how many times YOU had washed it... And I laughed because it probably took me three times as long to get it clean.
    Your mom is so wonderful. She teaches me gratitude and patience every day, andmy kids are grateful to you for that.

  3. Regina,
    I'm not sure if you remember me or my son Charlie Jones, he left Shen last year in December, to live in NH with his dad. Chris helped Charlie thru a difficult time last year before his move. It was a very difficult time for our family. Although it was nothing like your tragedy, we too went thru a tragedy. Charlie called me a few weeks before the accident to tell me, how excited he was because Chris was going to visit the University of New Hampshire, he couldn't wait to see and spend a little time with him which he did. Charlie has some small object he carries that reminds him of chris. He and I talk about him often, and how he was such a great person. always smiling, and happy. Charlie has joined the Navy and leaves for bootcamp on July 3. He asked me to have our temple say special prayers in Chris's honor which I have done, and you and your family along with the rivers, winds, and hardy's are prayed for every week. I hope you realize what a special person you are. You truly inspire me and thru reading your blogs, I know that with all that I have been thru I can go on everyday.

  4. Such sweet sentiments. Maybe Chris had a hand in the Super Bowl power outage -- his unique way of lighting up the room? Great photo of Bob Cheney with Bailey...he's the best they come in the healing department.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Your letter to Chris is beautiful. Sharing with us your experiences just brings me that much closer and that much more wanting to find that something to help you. I hope that doesn’t sound weird.

    I read an interesting article that referred to our love ones visitng us from Heaven. Part of it referenced “postcards from Heaven” and goes on to say there there are 5 ways our loved ones in heaven can visit us. I thought I should share these with you.

    Dreams: If you have a dream where you are with your loved one, you get to talk to him or her, you may even get to hug your loved one and when you wake up, every detail of the dream remains with you, this is called a dream visit and is indeed your loved one visiting you. Typically these dreams take place between 3 and 6 am. If you’re still in the grieving process, this puts up energetic barriers in our aura and makes it difficult for our loved one to come through. Be patient. They want to communicate with you as much as you do with them.

    Nature: Our loved ones will often show us signs in nature to let us know they are still with us. Birds, butterflies, dragonflies, and rainbows are all common signs. Maybe for you it is your balloons and how they always seem to get stuck in the trees (the trees being the connection to Nature). I cannot get out of my head the balloon reference becase at the Memorial at Shen in December, when the football team let Chris’ balloon go, it went up, and came back down and hovered along the field. I think he is going to continue to show himself with these crazy balloons or Chinese Laterns. They send such beautiful messages and he seems to love to make you giggle and uplift you.

    Metal: Since metal is a conductor of energy, our loved ones can easily use any metal to connect with us. That saying "Pennies are from heaven" is true. Many people also report finding dimes.

    Music: Music is another way spirits can connect with us. If you continually hear a song that reminds you of the person you're missing, you can bet it's them saying, "Hi!"

    Electric: Spirits can communicate with us through lights, telephones, computers, the radio and TV. Many report that lamps will flicker when they're talking about their loved one in heaven. So, if you think you are feeling your loved one around you, know that they are with you. And if you need confirmation of that, you can ask them for a sign. Be specific and be open, and when you receive your sign, say, "Thank you. I love you too."

    Your letter to Chris made me want to do a little searching to see if there was something I could respond to you with that would be helpful. I feel like you have had some of these connections by what you have written in the past and I believe you will continue to have them, maybe some more powerful than others. You just have to believe, which you so obviously seem to do. I believe with my whole heart and mind that Chris sent those hearts to my windshield a few weeks ago, because I had just sent you a post about signs and he wanted to show his appreciation.

    I love the Chinese Laterns, and it seems that he is a fan of them, re-routing them and letting them linger there to let you know he’s messing with you and being his typical whitty self. Sending him another note, in your special way, really impressed me. I can only believe that he is watching you and sending you Postcards from Heaven that he’s present.

    1. I love this Justine.. What a thought provoking and excellent post! I'm sure Regina will love it!

  7. My reply was too long... again... So I am finishing it with this poem:
    I wanted to share this poem that I have run across before, which to me, sounds like something Chris would say:

    Letter From Heaven
    © Crystal Baptiste
    Hey everybody,
    I hope this doesn't reach you too late.
    I don't want you to worry,
    Because life up here is great.

    I can't wait for you to see the beauty of heaven,
    But I know it's not your time.
    I really miss you guys,
    But I know you'll be just fine.

    You know I can see you right,
    So please stop shedding tears.
    You guys, I'm perfectly fine,
    So conquer all your fears.

    I need you to come here to meet me,
    But not if you misbehave,
    So please keep God in your heart,
    And you'll be safe and saved.

    Hey guys I know you miss me.
    It's really hard not to.
    But please, please stop grieving,
    Because you're making me sad too.

    You guys have been a great family,
    And I am truly blessed.
    You've raised me through my earthly life,
    Now God will do the rest.

    He's really a great person,
    And an even better friend,
    So I'm in great hands,
    And on Him you can also depend.

    Oh boy, I'm getting carried away.
    I want to say so many things,
    But I really have to go now,
    Because today I'm getting my wings.

    Bye you guys, love you forever and a day!

    P.S.: Be good. I'll be watching!!!

    God bless…

  8. Dear Chris,

    Do you know how many peoples lives you have touched even more now thanks to your mom? Did you know your mom continues to amaze and inspire hundreds of people she doesn't even know?

    Did you know your mom is a great mom with a huge heart that is full of pride and saddness all at the same time? Did you know that you and Jeremy are your moms heart and love and life?

    I bet you do know this and way more, after all you and Jeremy are the only two who ever got to hear your moms heart from the inside!

    Please continue to stay with Bailey and protect her. My daughter and I had dinner at the Winds last week and I know they ALL miss you something awful. Bailey is strong though I know you are proud of her and how well she is doing. Please just help her heart to heal, broken hearts take a little longer to fix.

    Dear Regina,

    I am sure Chris is so grateful that you are his mom, your continued love and support in his memory is just so heartwarming. You raised two beautiful successul, hardworking, well liked sons, and that was not on accident it was because of the example you are to them and the love you show them and the expectations/lessons you taught them.

    Our kids loved those silly little lunch box notes when they were young, rolled their eyes at them when they are in High school(although they secretly still like getting them and those notes put a smile on their face) and I am sure Chris is just thrilled with the heaven sent notes on the laterns!

    Keep the strentgh Regina, we are all praying for you!

    God Bless,XO

    You are a great mom and we can all see you are also a successful mom too! You have taken the most difficult/yet most rewarding profession that God could bless a woamn with(motherhood) and you have done an #above/overthetop/fantastic job!!!

  9. Dear Regina,
    Your letter is beautiful as well as all of the responses..
    I can't say anything that hasn't been said..
    I'll just send big hugs to you and Chris!
    My thoughts and prayers continue to be with all off you!

  10. Dear Regina,
    Well you certainly didn't fail me, but thankfully today I decided to read this AFTER work! Good thing as my makeup is completely washed away. Again, my youngest son caught me. I don't like him to see me crying. He is just too young to quite grasp the enormity of this all, but he,too, cried at the vigil. If my youngest son can grow up to have just half the character that Chris had, I will be one happy mom and I can thank you for that. You may just think you are just like every other mom out there, but you are not Regina. You are one of a kind! You are one in a million. You were all of this prior to December 1st. We just didn't know you then. Unfortunately, this tragic accident brought you front and center whether you like it or not. I, for one, admire you for your inner strength and I thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. My heart hopes that someday, someday you will find some happiness again. For now, I simply hope your writing helps bring some peace.

  11. Dear Chris
    My husband asks me each day why I follow your mom's blogs I tell him they are inspiritional but I also have a teen-ager boy who is turning sixteen in August and it scares me to death to know he will be driving soon. Your story has hit everyone and me personally. I didnt know you and your family just news from the sport show on Fox23. I lost my best friend in high school back in 1991. Her mom was my English teacher. Her anniversary is coming up and as I sit there to light a candle for her I will light one for you and your family. Your mom is so strong and very inspirational. When she wrote the blog about your award my eyes filled up with tears. A well rounded young man full of life and brought joy to everyone is now doing gods work and always there looking down on the ones you care so much about. Are the clouds warm and fluffy isn't sunny all the time where you are.
    Anyway stay close to everyone and I will make sure when I light that candle I light ten more for you and everyone you have touched!!
    Thanks Regina for your blogs everyday. I love reading them.

  12. Regina,

    As you said once, I have been lurking in the background of your blog. I am from the Capital District, but I never had the blessing of knowing your son. I have had the great blessing to learn about him from your posts. This part of today's blog hit me in particular, so poetic, so raw, so true: "Do you know you were a true joy in my life and I that I miss you desperately? Do you miss me back or are you blissfully happy where you are?"

    Thank you so much for sharing of yourself so openly. Please know that you are always in my prayers.

    Peace and all good,

  13. I bet this letter to Chris made you feel a bit better was so beautiful. I love to read...lately have been lurking but never far from my heart, I promise you that.
    With love...Lela

  14. Regina,

    Today's letter to Chris was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

    Hugs and peace.

  15. Your letter is beautiful. and congratulations to Bailey for getting back on the diving board! I bet Chris was there to cheer her on!

  16. Regina,
    Thank you for another beautiful post. I think of you and Chirs everyday and especially on Superbowl Sunday!

  17. So beautiful. How lucky Chris was to have you as his mom's and how lucky you are to have him as your son. I want to thank you for opening my eyes to become a better mom's and a better person. You have inspired me so much and I feel very privileged to be able to read your words and stories and privileged to get to know your son by your words and stories. Thank you and God bless