Tuesday, March 12, 2013


I had an appointment in New York City.  Rather than drive and attempt manipulating traffic to a location I didn't know well, I took the train.  While standing around waiting for mine to board, here's the one that was going out next to me.
I couldn't help but beam.  I bet the people around me must have thought I was insane.  I couldn't keep my smile under control.  I basically stood there giggling all by myself.

I texted Bailey immediately.  Yep, a sign I just knew it.  Chris was hanging out with me in the terminal and on my train ride.  I found it interesting that train  69 was at gate B (for Bailey!) and it was headed north to Rouses Point and then on to Montreal.
 My best friend Shannon's mom was from Rouses Point.  She passed away several years ago but was an instrumental part of my childhood.  I spent as much time at Shannon's house as Chris did with all his friends (wonder where he got his social skills from???)  I was never home either - if I could help it.  Shannon's mom used to buy me clothes when she shopped for Shannon sometimes.  She'd buy two sets.  She's the first one to ever catch us smoking.  We tried it in her basement of all places!  We also snuck a beer from her fridge once but got so scared she’d smell it on us we never finished it.  I think we took a swig and dumped it out.  I swear she kept me from Fridays after school until Sunday evenings when my mother refused to put up with my pleading to stay over "just one more night ppppllllleeeeeaaaassssssssseeee?"
When Chris passed, one of the first people I remember reaching out to was Shannon's mom.  I prayed to her to grab hold of Chris for me and protect him.  Hearing train #69 was heading to Rouses Point warmed my heart.  I knew I had two guardians watching me on the train; two that I verbally knew of anyhow.  Honestly I know I have many but it was nice to hear the Amtrak employee say something out loud that meant the world to me.  I'm still thrilled! I thanked them both for the spiritual lift.  It made my trip easier.
As I was sitting on the train I got to thinking about the trips Chris had taken to NYC.  He couldn't stand the smells.  He had a gag reflex and a bit of a weak stomach and he absolutely hated the smell that came up from the subway grates.  I don't think he abhorred the city so much as he detested the various odors and pollution.
I gave him tickets each year to go to a Rangers game with his dad at Madison Square Garden.  He loved that because he never had to actually go up and onto the streets of the city.  There's an escalator right from Penn Station into the arena.  He had it made!  They took that trip yearly and thoroughly enjoyed it.  No driving, lots of eating and a great hockey game to cheer at.
I thought this trip deserved a blog post.  I forgot how vocal Chris was about heading to the city.  I got a kick out of the memories it drummed up for me.  I even bought a hotdog from a street vendor and toasted Chris with a big bite.  He disliked the smell from the street carts too but loved hotdogs with mustard.  I can't do the mustard part, sorry Chris, but I can devour a hotdog just as heartily as you.
I love you Squirt and I'm thinking of you as much as you proved you are of me.  Give Shannon's mom a hug and a kiss for me!

Thank you for reading.


  1. He loves his mama and wants you to see you happy. I love that you're open to receiving signs and that you see them, and I'll bet it makes him really happy that you're taking notice! Hope your appointment in the city went well...sometimes Tje train is just the way to go! Especially with the prices of gas and tolls today! Hope you enjoyed your peaceful train ride! Sounds like you sure did! Have a great day. xx

  2. P.S. I hate typing on this phone. Wish there was an edit button!!! ;)

  3. Mrs Stewart,
    I love that he gives you so many signs. It's really wonderful and I'm always wondering what he'll do next. Keep looking! Such a gregarious person; he will always send them.

  4. I used to keep track of all of the signs I used to see from my family. It got me through. I don't keep track anymore. It's not that I don't notice, but it has been so long that now they are part of my common daily existence and I am at peace. I hope you never stop noticing those signs. They are your peace! Chris was an active kid and he's clearly an active angel! Thank you for sharing.

  5. Good Morning Regina!
    All I could do was smile and think of Chris following you through NYC. I am so happy he and others are providing so much reassurance to you! Have a great day!!

    May God Bless you and yours!!

  6. Wow Regina, a trip to NYC! I haven't been there in years. I am so glad the trip started with signs from Christopher and Shannon’s mom. It’s comforting to think that they could be together and sending you signs. What a great way to start the trip. I hope you were there for fun and had a good time.

    I was having a few issues yesterday and at one point I took out my phone because I got a text and there it was, my battery at 69%! That's the 2nd time that has happened in 2 weeks. Because of the issues I was having I went to bed super late last night, couldn't sleep, too much on my mind. When I woke up this morning I decided to do some stretching/yoga style stuff to loosen up the tense muscles. There on the thermometer... 69 degrees... I got to smile and say good morning to your boy. I know I didn't know Chris, but I know you now and it gives me the chance to stop and say hello to him and send up a prayer and good wishes to you at the same time.

    I had to chuckle that your big sports guy had a weak stomach around smells. Brings me back to your Chris' idiosyncrasies blog. I love learning tidbits of Chris every time I read your blog. I know that was your intention, but I felt I should tell you I’m paying attention {:insert smiley face here:}

    I think it’s really powerful that Chris is sending you signs like at the train station when you are obviously focused on getting somewhere, and when you least expect it. I think that says a lot about your connection with him.

    God bless… keep sharing the signs!

  7. Regina,

    Loved you blog today I could see you giggling...So cool that Chris was at the train station with you!

    I think it so funny that he would gag on the smells of NYC...hello you are a football player have you not smelled your equipment?!!! Hahaha My son was the same way, he always gagged and sometimes got sick on smells. My mom lives in senior housing,(not a nursing home this is more independent living for seniors) anyhow it still had a very different medicinal smell and I would be so embarrassed, when he would gag and barf in front of the residents that live there so what I did is I put one of those small bars of soap like you get at a motel in his pocket so if there was a smell that triggered him he could just take the soap out of his pocket to counter the smell he didn't like...It worked GREAT!!! So any of you moms with gaggers...this is a simple solution.

    The funny thing, like Chris he was an athlete, he played football, Ice Hockey and Lacrosse (he settled with lacrosse in the end) anyhow...P-uuuuuu!!! Does that equipment smell...makes me need a bar of soap of my own! But no not him, he and his friends would say” Do you smell that? Mmmmm smells like Lax!"...Me, I’d say... "Gag!!!" LOL

    Have a great day...

    God Bless, XO

    1. Oh I forgot to mention...keep the soap in it's package... :-)

  8. my husband throws dimes at me and my mom throws pennies at me. thats how ik when they are around me. i love it cuz i miss them soooo very much. i usually tell them thanks for the donation and put it in my sons piggy bank. so glad to see ur son is letting u know that he is around.

  9. Love this post!!! Love that you saw Train #69...there are No coincidences!! I love that Chris gives you and Bailey these sign!!! Xoxo

  10. Omg love NYC... Always a million of things going on... It definitely lives up to the saying of The city that never sleeps...hahaha Just like Chris...so glad to see your spirit is uplifted...way to go Chris...Keep em coming... God Bless you Mrs.Stewart... Xxxxx

  11. Regina,

    I can just see you in the middle of the train station with a grin from ear to ear :)) The thought of that warms my heart!
    Chris was letting you know that you were not alone. I also love the fact that you are able to be open to these signs and be comforted by them.
    There is no doubt that you raised a fine young man who appreciated and loves his mother. But beyond that he also loved people. You mention that you didn't know where Chris got his social skills from? I don't know your husband but have a very good idea of who you are! Chris models you! You have reached out to people and opened up your heart and your thoughts. You've put your trust in us. That can be a very scary thing. We're very lucky because of it. I am very friendly but I'm not as trusting as you are. I tend to keep my heart very guarded.
    Regina... It's not an easy thing to share Chris with us. He is your heart. We've grown so fond of him.. Thank you for trusting in us. We're all better because of it.

  12. Regina,
    He was making sure his mom got to her destiny safely. I love little signs from our loved one's send us little signs and messages. Thank you for sharing and God bless.

  13. I too love that he shows you so many signs... I am a bit jealous too.. since my dad died I have gotten nothing. My mom says she feels his hand on her shoulder often and my daughter too.. My other daughter went to a medium and she told her that on her way home she would see a big bird and it would be him.. Going through Farmington the town he grew up in while she was sitting at a light what looked to be an eagle flew over her.. she sat there stunned.. Me I haven't had a sign.. I remember when my grandmother passed the phone rang one day and my mom answered it and she hung up in tears.. I asked what was wrong and she looked shocked. it was Nana telling me she was ok.. so I believe in signs.. I learned early that they were there.. When my grandfather passed he came to me to ask me to take care of my mom and my aunts.. I was 16 yrs old.. it spooked me for a moment but then I realized that it was good.. and I was happy to have received it..

  14. Regina,

    So happy you had all the signs from Chris and Shannon's mom! Glad you had an enjoyable trip to NYC. I swear your Chris and my boys would have been best of friends...they are so much alike! Stinky sports players who gag at food smells and they are built like him as well! LOL

    Thanks for sharing!
    hugs and peace