Christopher's Room

Can you think of the place where you might go for comfort?  A familiar, safe place to decompress, relax your shoulders and your mind and just be... Do you have a place like that?  It could be your car, your garage, your basement, your closet or the bathroom tub for all I know.  Mine has always been my bedroom but lately it's been Christopher's room.  It's very inviting.

We always joked with Chris that his room had a funky odor.  That's because he loved to play his video games with the door closed and the blinds drawn.  It was his man-cave and it was dark and airless in my opinion.  That Xbox throws some heat!  Chris sometimes left his stinky sneakers on the floor along with fermenting clothes in his hamper.  It didn't bother him, he didn't even notice.  He'd keep a 24 pack of water under his desk to keep hydrated.  I see why, there was no circulation or fresh air.  I opened the roman shades and windows as often as I could!  When he would leave for school in the morning I practically ran in there to yank open all three windows.  I felt it needed fumigating.  I'd come home from work at 5:30 and it would all be closed up again.  We played this little game daily.  Turns out we both got what we wanted.  He probably got a kick out of it, or at least I'd like to think so because I know I did in reverse...

Upon his passing I found myself constantly in Chris's room.  I wanted everyone to spend time there.  I don't know why, I think it was because I felt everyone could understand Chris just a little better if they were in his space.  I KNOW he's still there often.  It's HIS private domain.  He loved his room.  It was painted SHEN green and it has a window seat where his friends would sleep overnight.  Of course the window seat has now been turned into a display case of all his trophys and things but it used to be used as a single bed.  

A sleeping bag and a pillow and his buddies were all set.  I'll bet a dozen kids or more slept on that hard wooden window seat, each multiple times.  The funny thing was, right next door was Jeremy's bedroom with a huge bed.  The boys wanted to stay together though, so Jeremy's room went unattended unless we had a full house of kids and they'd spill over into the next room for sleeping purposes.

Interestingly enough, about two years ago Chris got a new mattress.  There are probably some of you right now in the same boat I was.  Chris grew and grew over the years yet he never got a bigger bed.  It wasn't on purpose, it just never occurred to me.  It looked fine, wasn't oddly shaped or anything like that but the poor kid’s feet hung off the end!  He used to sprawl out on MY tempurpedic bed and refuse to get up.  He always seemed to do it at bedtime when I was exhausted and not very playful.  He could push my buttons with a smile on his face.  And oh my God was he like a giant boulder to move.  He'd lay there spread eagled, arms and legs basically draped to all four corners and sigh "aaaaaahhhhhhh!!" happily.  He got the biggest kick out of me yanking with all my might to drag an arm or a leg off the bed in a feeble attempt to move him onto the floor.  I never won.  Not even close.  He would exhaust me to the point I was sweating.  I wouldn’t even be tired anymore because he got my blood racing.  Sometimes he'd make me so mad I swear I wanted to cry like a baby because I was so infuriated.  He got me when I was tired and wanted to crash and he knew it.  He'd bug me till a certain point and then relent and leave.  Sigh.  I'd like to do that all over again.  

So, during the week of making funeral arrangements the house was very busy with family and friends.  I mentioned my friend Colleen from Iowa?  Well she stayed in Christopher's room while she was here.  She was pleased I asked her to.  I was kind of afraid she'd think I was nuts at the suggestion but she knew him so well as a child that she embraced the idea so we cancelled her hotel and dragged her luggage upstairs.  I liked that a lot.  I like sharing Chris and I loved having my friend here.

Bailey comes over quite a bit.  She takes the best naps in Chris' room.  We crank the electric blanket and she conks out.  There's a peacefulness to his space.  Chris was very kind and gentle.  He was big but he was a softy.  His room gives off that aura.  Bailey and her sister were here last week, went into his room sobbing and came out giggling.  How does that happen?  It's Chris.  He has a way of making us feel good.

Chris's room is no museum.  We hold and touch his pictures and awards.  We watch his TV, sit on his bed and sort through his dresser and closet.  Many of his tee shirts and clothes have been shared with his friends.  They come over regularly and hang out in his room.  I hear them laughing and sharing stories.  I've had visits with his coaches and can't wait to bring them upstairs.  I believe when they see his space they better get to know him.  Our family priest came over to bless his room and ashes too.  Chris's remains sit on his dresser in a marbled dark green urn.  There's no place I'd rather him be than safely in his room.  We often said Chris didn't bleed red, he bled SHEN green.  It's apparent after the briefest visit. by anyone.  I've had e-mails and texts that confirm it from those who've spent time there.  Coach Clawson told me he felt comfort and peace after being here.  It's a soothing space, warm and bright with big windows that face west and catch the afternoon sun.

Last weekend Matt Hardy got the chance to see it.  He's able to climb the stairs now!  I was so happy to finally have him over.  He's never been here.  He and a few of the football players spent what seemed an eternity in Chris' room.  It made my heart glad.  I know it made Chris glad too.  I believe that room is a place of healing.  It certainly rejuvenates me.

I hope that you have a spot where you can let your guard down.  Someplace you can remove your coat of armor and be off duty from the world,  warm and inviting place just to sit and let your mind rest a while.  I hope you have a room like Christopher's.

Thank you for reading.